take the foreigner's advice »

morrissey clearly has america's interests in mind. we are the largest market for his shitty music, after all.

With all my heart I urge people to vote against George Bush. Jon Stewart would be ideal, but John Kerry is the logical and sane move. It does not need to be said yet again, but Bush has single-handedly turned the United States into the most neurotic and terror-obsessed country on the planet. For non-Americans, the United States is suddenly not a very nice place to visit because US immigration officers – under the rules of Bush – now conduct themselves with all the charm and unanswerable indignation of Hitler’s SS. Please bring sanity and intelligence back to the United States. Don’t forget to vote. Vote for John Kerry and get rid of George Bush!

i'm sorry. i forgot that we, as a sovereign country, are supposed to cater to the whims of snotty british artists. why don't we open up our borders so any terrorist and his mother can slip into our country, undetected, and bring down some more skyscrapers! i can't believe i sent my absentee ballot in with a vote for bush! what was i thinking when i prioritized the safety of our country over the convenience of some washed-out 80s britpop star??

vote kerry and let morrissey and dozens of al qaeda suicide bombers into america.

poon juice »

have you ever been like me (in which case i pity you (not really, because i'm cool)) and wondered why is prune juice called prune juice, and not plum juice? a semi-lucid explanation (and by semi-lucid, i mean more lucid than i've ever been (which isn't very hard to do)).

speaking of juice, if you put apple juice (or any other juice (ie, grape)) in a brita filter, will it turn it into water? is it, like, some sort of antichrist (ie, it can turn wine into water)?

(i'm (almost) done with the parentheticals for today) (oh wait, i'm not, i have more to write).

so, a little while ago, some stupid feminist whore got mad at me because i used "pussy" as a derogatory term (and now they're going to jump on me for using "whore" as derogatory (just because someone chooses sex as an favorite pasttime, who am i to judge?)). anyways that got me thinking, and i came to the conclusion that feminists are stupid (actually, i already knew that, but it just confirmed it). so apparently they get mad when you use slang for fem genitalia as insults (but i'd almost swear that a pussy was a little cat), because it demeans women and is male-centric, but honestly, think. people use slang for male genitalia (jennitalia!) as insults all the time. like, he's such a dick. or, stop being such a weenie. or, that was as gross as your mom's sweaty balls (oops, that one used a female term as derogatory). hahaha. clearly i'm having way too much fun with this. anyways, you know what i mean, and feminists are dumb (and now i'm done).

a quick update »

because my computer kicked out and i dislike blogging from non-my-own-computer. i don't understand why kerry is running for president of america when he clearly doesn't believe in america. and that's all i'll say on that subject. because i don't like this computer, i have a headache, my neck is sore, and so is my throat. and i'm tired.

but stuff like this gives me hope for the future. [ce]

weekly whirlwind tour »

« it's been confirmed... gay men talk funny

« would you like some conservative ketchup with that?

« democrats can be so. incredibly. classy. [asv, drudge]

« how i learned to drive [screenhead]

« i may be juvenile, but at least i admit it

« new evanescence cd/dvd out nov 23!

« currently rethinking plans to move to florida... but who wouldn't want to live on honey girl lane! [os]

« this speaks for itself [ktb]

if you don't want to be mocked »

don't be michael jackson.

MICHAEL JACKSON has demanded that the music networks remove rapper EMINEM's new video for the single "Just Lose It" from rotation. In the clip, Eminem dresses up as Jackson and sings to a group of children "Come here, little kiddie, on my lap," and mocks plastic surgery the pop legend had done on his nose. [rs]

i haven't seen the video yet but it sounds hella funny. anyways, once you're a public figure, you basically open up your life to criticism.

"BET pulled the video because we feel it is inappropriate to use our network to air a video disparaging Michael's character, or that of any other celebrity," BET Chairman/Founder Bob Johnson said in a statement. [mtv]

Yeah, something tells me that michael jackson has already ruined his own reputation to the point where it's no longer possible to bring it any lower. wacko jacko is a stain on the jackson family name. wait a second -- all the jackson kids are stains, pretty much. but fret not, little mj, you're still the dirtiest, lowest, child-molesting-est jackson of them all.

picture of the week »

[asv]

duude i want one. bwahahahahaha.

mommy, i'm scared »

this is why the thought of kerry being president terrifies me to no end.

''We have to get back to the place we were, where terrorists are not the focus of our lives, but they're a nuisance,'' Kerry said. ''As a former law-enforcement person, I know we're never going to end prostitution. We're never going to end illegal gambling. But we're going to reduce it, organized crime, to a level where it isn't on the rise. It isn't threatening people's lives every day, and fundamentally, it's something that you continue to fight, but it's not threatening the fabric of your life.''

um, ok! so terrorism doesn't threaten people's lives every day? it's not threatening the fabric of my life? senator, i beg to disagree. and i'm sure that the families of the victims of 9/11, of beslan, of the uss cole, of what have you also disagree. kerry apparently doesn't believe that we can win. and that's what scares the crap right outta my butt.

it's also good to note that kerry feels the same way about terrorism that he does about prostitution and gambling -- that it should be a nuisance.

and then, as if i'd forgotten that the nytimes, no matter how good their paper seems on the surface, is nothing but a haven for radicals and psychos, they gently remind me in the next paragraph.

If mobsters could be chased into the back rooms of seedy clubs, then so, too, could terrorists be sent scurrying for their lives into remote caves where they wouldn't harm us. Bush had continually cast himself as the optimist in the race, asserting that he alone saw the liberating potential of American might, and yet his dark vision of unending war suddenly seemed far less hopeful than Kerry's notion that all of this horror -- planes flying into buildings, anxiety about suicide bombers and chemicals in the subway -- could somehow be made to recede until it was barely in our thoughts.

kerry's vision of terrorism as some sort of background noise is hopeful? the knowledge that exists somewhere in the back of my mind that terrorists are lurking around in caves is supposed to somehow reassure me? i have no words. no words, that is, that i can type on a pg-13 blog.

weekly whirlwind tour »

« angela bassett to appear on alias season 4

« matt leblanc as gay cover model [towleroad]

« daddy, i want a st bernard! get me a st bernard!

« democrats pee on bush sign [ce]

« it's ok, because he's a democrat [gp]

« sean penn craves ignorant vote (presumably because they vote for kerry) [politicalities]

sbux gouges a little deeper »

starbucks around the nation are collectively gouging a little more money from consumers' pockets. they're taking, on average, 11c more per drink. but those who regularly drink sbux probably won't notice the difference, especially in light of sbux's new back to school promotion, in which unsuspecting parents sign up to give their college student a sbux card that reloads automatically. great news for rich parents and their spoiled children all across the nation.

in other news, the roommate appears to have disappeared. haven't seen him for a couple days ... i wonder what that means. it probably means that i can now have wild parties and/or sex in the common room.

new things to embrace and love »

lost (dominic monaghan, evangeline lilly, terry o'quinn)


desperate housewives (teri hatcher, james denton, felicity huffman)

these two awesome shows have pulled a feat that abc probably hasn't managed in a long time ... top ten non-sports shows. desperate housewives was #1 for the week, and lost was #9 (and #1 in its time slot). abc had better not pull their typical bs by cancelling the good shows! now go set your tivo to tape these shows. excellent.
[y!]