crap on a cracker: 04.05

i rock »

how do i love me, let me count the ways

i am eating frozen chinese leftovers

i just compared my friend's love life to the movie ALIEN

i freaked with a freakin prefrosh

children are our future »

yesterday we went to cracker barrel for dinner. i enjoyed the service.

first they sat the 5 of us at a table for 4. then one waitress is like, um they're gonna be wicked crowded there, so the server was like ok i'll move you to this other table. which was exactly the same size. we asked if we could sit at an actual bigger table but the server, in her broken english, was like, no, there aren't waiters there.

so we sit at our tiny little table, where we have 2 menus for the 5 of us, and the waitress comes (a different one from before) and was like, um, do you want a bigger table? and leads us to the table we asked about earlier. and we still only had 2 menus for the 5 of us but we're troopers so we managed.

but they gave us an extra thing of fried apples so s'all good.

plus this kid announced to his mom, "i farted!"

the mom like totally freaked out and was like "do not say that in public!!" but we were too busy laughing because we do say that in public. children are awesome.

the happy man »

today i went to zoe's in somerville for dinner. that's like the most random place for a chinese restaurant. i think it was across from a happy garden or some shit like that, some other dinky chinese place. anyways zoe's was in like a converted house and it was really small (like 9 tables small) and we were the only people in there at first, but they turned the music on for us so that made me happy.

also i didn't think the food was that great except for the scallion pancakes. oh gosh, those scallion pancakes were like the most sublime (there i go, using words whose definitions i don't really know) things on earth. they could possibly be the best scallion pancakes i've ever had (for some reason i keep typing pankcakes).

and then the fortune cookies, ryan got one that said "you are the happy man."

that is possibly the best fortune i've ever seen.

i want to be the happy man.

if i get to have those scallion pankcakces again i just might be.

procrasturbating »

i've already eaten two lunches to avoid writing this paper. so logically the next step was to take one of them stupid quizzes online that'll tell you where to live. and on my results page goooooogle (not just google; goooooogle) was nice enough to give me this ad:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

it's a good thing i wasn't still at lunch because i would have spewed cranberry juice all over my computer (ask my friends; it's happened before. not too pleasant, but i did enjoy the pink snot that i had for the next hour or so).

HOMOcon? i didn't click the link so i don't know if it's for real or what but HOMOcon? HOMOCON??

what's next, the international fag show?

i don't think i'm ready for this jelly.

all's i have to say is »

that the next time someone leads you onto the railroad tracks by mit and behind a dumpster, it's probably not a shortcut to the car...

that was interesting.

suspects last seen wearing tuxes »

hooray for airport security. two seaworld penguins traveling through denver intl were sent through the metal detector. excellent. [bb]

where there is an open bar »

there we are.

context is overrated »

« monks fly in satellite dish. i thought only nuns could fly. [bb]

« woman beats off burglar with gnome. kinky. [bb]

« sbux isn't the only thing that starts with S and ends with X ...

« now it makes sense; those danishes on her ears are ergonomically designed for grasping.

blahblahblah

possibly the only good thing about boston »

i love how they make up their own random-ass holidays, just so people can go drinking and skip work and not have to make excuses.

seriously, wtf is patriot day? and don't get me started on evacuation day.

damn harvard for not giving us those days off.

witty title »

it's been over a week and i haven't finished posting the rest of the spring break pictures so to hell with clever captioning.

waiting in line

norway/akershus

china

ling the giant

illuminations

mgm

sky60/eye spy/back booth

tickling the rat »

scientists have found that when you tickle the rat, as well as when you spank the monkey, you get an unexpected response. no you pervs, i ain't talkin about anything nasty, i be talking about animal laughter. that's so excellent. i would totally work in a lab if i could tickle rats. [bb]

things that suck »

«sean penn
thesuperficial has an excellent treatise (is that the right usage of that word? i probably should have just said thingie) on why sean penn sucks. i <3 thesuperficial.

«harvard
there's some study out that finally proves what every ivory tower student has known since enrolling: harvard is a cold, joyless place. but don't get me wrong -- we're the most selective cold, joyless place around. woo hoo! and i'm only allowed to snark on harvard because i'm special, so don't none of you be hatin' or i'll come after you with a knife.